Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Say It Ain't So
The past weekend has been filled with highs and lows. Nothing could compare to the blow I (and surely many others, too) received on Friday night. It was just a typical Friday night in the sense of get dressed, go get some JOOSE, and go get fucked up. Except that of that didn't happen. After visiting four different liquor stores, it was discovered that JOOSE is now illegal to sell in Colorado (and 13 other states). I suspect that gang related homicides will at least triple once the news trickles into our inner city brethren and the rioting begins.
If you have not had the luxury of enjoying "nature's gift to the ghetto", you haven't lived yet. The heart stopping combination of caffeine (a stimulant) and alcohol (a depressant) leave you walking the fine line between euphoria and death. With the flavor of an energy drink and no detectable alcohol taste, one 23.5 ounce can of Joose is equivalent to 3-4 beers and 8 strong cups of coffee. Two of these and you're guaranteed to have a wonderful night and an even more regrettable morning. You don't have to take my word for it though. A quick internet search revealed some insightful commentary about what is largely considered the best malt liquor on the market.
"My friend used to drink 4 a day for six months straight. He doesn't remember those six months, at all."
"Fuck thinking about a hang over worry about your heart blowing up"
"I remember one of my friends shotgunned one once; that kid could hold his alcohol."
(Possibly one of the most impressive drinking accomplishments of our generation)
Fear not though, as there still is a way to find yourself knocking back JOOSE. A 12 pack will run you $38 online ($15 bullshit shipping fee included). Party on!
If you have not had the luxury of enjoying "nature's gift to the ghetto", you haven't lived yet. The heart stopping combination of caffeine (a stimulant) and alcohol (a depressant) leave you walking the fine line between euphoria and death. With the flavor of an energy drink and no detectable alcohol taste, one 23.5 ounce can of Joose is equivalent to 3-4 beers and 8 strong cups of coffee. Two of these and you're guaranteed to have a wonderful night and an even more regrettable morning. You don't have to take my word for it though. A quick internet search revealed some insightful commentary about what is largely considered the best malt liquor on the market."My friend used to drink 4 a day for six months straight. He doesn't remember those six months, at all."
"Fuck thinking about a hang over worry about your heart blowing up"
"I remember one of my friends shotgunned one once; that kid could hold his alcohol."
(Possibly one of the most impressive drinking accomplishments of our generation)
Fear not though, as there still is a way to find yourself knocking back JOOSE. A 12 pack will run you $38 online ($15 bullshit shipping fee included). Party on!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Trinity Squash Does Not Fuck Around
23-0 on the season en route to their 12th straight national title. Even more impressive, one little Asian man had his dreams and hopes crushed, pissed on and left in a gutter. From what I've read, Kenneth Chan (Yale whipping boy) was talking shit throughout the whole match. Don't be running your mouth to the 6'5 senior co-captain of an 11 straight NC team and expect to come out on top. That was all the motivation my man Baset Chaudhry needed. Chan is lucky he even walked off that court alive. Baset should be given a medal for not shitting directly into Chan's mouth after the match. U.S.A! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Crazy Ginger Kid Losing Ferocity
The crazy ginger kid has started updating again. His fourth video is out and he still has his ginger spunk.
He's still amazingly pissed at people making fun of him. He will not stand for mean Youtubers! He's trying to make a difference, ok? I could really see this kid going down in history as the ginger Martin Luther King Jr. (GMLKJ). You can tell by the way that he lunges toward the camera and screams certain words that he really cares.
Wow. It's obvious now that all his "haters" are really getting to him. Before, it was the World against him and he didn't give a shit. Now he's looking for some supporters. He's losing that old ginger nastiness he had before. He knows what he's capable of, he even starts comparing himself to MLKJ (needs to work on his quoting skills though. Dude that's a pretty famous speech, get it right). It just seems that all the hatred is really starting to get to him. Keep up the fight fat ginger kid. Like all great leaders, we hope you get assassinated on day.
He's still amazingly pissed at people making fun of him. He will not stand for mean Youtubers! He's trying to make a difference, ok? I could really see this kid going down in history as the ginger Martin Luther King Jr. (GMLKJ). You can tell by the way that he lunges toward the camera and screams certain words that he really cares.
Wow. It's obvious now that all his "haters" are really getting to him. Before, it was the World against him and he didn't give a shit. Now he's looking for some supporters. He's losing that old ginger nastiness he had before. He knows what he's capable of, he even starts comparing himself to MLKJ (needs to work on his quoting skills though. Dude that's a pretty famous speech, get it right). It just seems that all the hatred is really starting to get to him. Keep up the fight fat ginger kid. Like all great leaders, we hope you get assassinated on day.
Dodgers Finally Make Some Kind of Move
Probably my favorite Dodgers pitcher of all time is back where he belongs. Eric Gagne was the most dominant pitcher in baseball from 2002-4. Unfortunately he got on the 'roids, threw his arm out and now he sucks the D. But don't think for a moment that I don't just love this move. Maybe being back in LA with revive his arm for another season or two. God damnit I just want to see a little more of that Gagne magic. Just two more 98 mph fastballs followed by that 65 mph circle change to sit 'em down. Still gives me the chills.
P.S. Pitchers and catchers reported yesterday. Baseball season is officially upon us.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Fat Ginger Kid's Decent Into Madness
If you haven't already seen the video starring the Fat Ginger Kid petitioning for ginger rights, watch it now. Here it is. "Gingers have souls!!!"
The way a he looks at me with his beaty black eyes makes me think he is trying to suck out my soul through the internet. This ginger fuck really creeps the shit out of me. I really assumed that this would be a one time thing. Maybe this kid just got really high, made a ridiculous video and then realized how retarded he was. Apparently not. He has started uploading more ginger rights videos.
It becomes apparent just from the first few seconds of the video that this kid has been watching a lot of Jersey Shore. "You know what bro?" Maybe he wishes he were tan like the guys on the show. Maybe he's just putting on a front with these videos. Deep down he doesn't want to be pasty white. Or maybe he's just insane.
Yeah, he's definitely insane. It's obvious now that this kid is losing his mind. He's already starting to cry over youtube comments. It's really only a matter of time before this kid goes on a murder-suicide rampage. I'll put money down right now that says in his next video the Fat Ginger is holding a dead cat and has blood dripping from his freckled lips.
I'll continue to update on his decent into madness.
The way a he looks at me with his beaty black eyes makes me think he is trying to suck out my soul through the internet. This ginger fuck really creeps the shit out of me. I really assumed that this would be a one time thing. Maybe this kid just got really high, made a ridiculous video and then realized how retarded he was. Apparently not. He has started uploading more ginger rights videos.
It becomes apparent just from the first few seconds of the video that this kid has been watching a lot of Jersey Shore. "You know what bro?" Maybe he wishes he were tan like the guys on the show. Maybe he's just putting on a front with these videos. Deep down he doesn't want to be pasty white. Or maybe he's just insane.
Yeah, he's definitely insane. It's obvious now that this kid is losing his mind. He's already starting to cry over youtube comments. It's really only a matter of time before this kid goes on a murder-suicide rampage. I'll put money down right now that says in his next video the Fat Ginger is holding a dead cat and has blood dripping from his freckled lips.
I'll continue to update on his decent into madness.
Favorite New Blog
You're going to want to check out this new blog a recently found called Nic Cage as Everyone. It's just pictures of different people with Nicholas Cage's face photoshopped on. It may not seem that funny at first, but holy shit I just can't stop looking at them. Right now there are well over 500 photos and each one of them is hilarious.
Here are a few of my favorites
Here are a few of my favorites
Nic Cage as Pee Wee
Nic Cage as Snooki
Nic Cage as Heidi Montag
Are some of these disturbing? Yes. But I just can't stop.
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