"The Two Gentlemen of Lebowski"

It's so early into 2010 and I've already found the best thing that's going to be on the internet this year. One man, nay genius Adam Bertocci, has rewritten the entire transcript of the Coen Brother's cult classic The Big Lebowski in the form of a Shakepearean play. After just skimming over some of the more famous scenes, it's clear this guy knows whats up. Please just take a look at his play. The Two Gentlemen of Lebowski starring Geoffrey "The Knave" Lebowski. Yes, just yes.

Here are a couple of my favorite scenes.

The Dude first meets Bunny

THE KNAVE

Lady Lebowski? Then thou art Bonnie? A merry wife indeed!

BONNIE

And a lady of good housekeeping and agriculture besides, minded to economy and all practicalities. Were thou to bring a gentle cock to my bed-chamber, I might help him to success for ten shillings.

THE KNAVE

Such a lady of talents I have scarcely seen.

BRANDT

Yes, a most forthright jest! Free of spirit and good generosity, she is the nimble nymph of Neptune, and we mark her with good humour.

BONNIE

Free of spirit but ne’er free for flesh. Were I to regale thee with parts of my humour, I would not bid Brandt hear the play ere he paid a shilling himself.

Nobody Fucks with the Jesus

QUINCE
Hail, masters! I crave thine able readiness
To be dealt with roughly, as the Sodomites.
For men of sport have noted that our play
In semifinal hour draws on apace.
By Jove! I’ll wager well, Liam and me,
To thrash thee soundly at the fair tourney.

THE KNAVE
Yea, well, that be, forsooth, thy opinion, sir.

QUINCE
Well; but be forewarn’d. It reach’d mine ears
That combustible Walter, o’ercome with rage
Did shed good sense, and raise his sword in play.
I fear not such jade’s tricks, an seeing ill,
Would snatch the burden from the jealous knight
And pierce his gizzard with the wrongful steel,
Points up, as said of Coriolanus.

THE KNAVE
Zounds!

QUINCE
Thou speakest rightly, sir. No man misdeals with Joshua Quince, by Jesu. 

It's only a matter of time before there is a production of th... OH MY GOD!

If for some reason you have never seen this movie, move out of your cave and watch it now you sick fuck.